I guess you know better than just about anyone how rough a go this summer has been so far, and understand how it might be that I’ve missed more days of thank-you posts in the last two weeks than I did in the whole first six months of writing these notes. Yes, practicing gratitude makes one a more grateful and happy person… but. Things happen. Life and stress happen, and sometimes even a well-trained practice-er of gratitude comes up short.
Thank you for helping me untangle the whys and hows of all this, for the reassurance and practical advice. Thank you for listening to me so well and helping me gauge when and how I can help myself, and when and how I need to look beyond myself for answers.
I’m starting on Wellbutrin (anti-depressants) tomorrow, for the first time in my life. You warned me not to be further depressed that I need anti-depressants, but the truth is, just having the bottle sitting here on my nightstand makes me feel so optimistic. I have been so very fortunate to be surrounded by positivity about mental health for my whole life, and – while I can easily feel more anxious because I’m anxious, or more critical because I’m being critical, or any number of other bummer cycles – I find it no trouble to look at my current situation and think, “this really isn’t my fault. This is illness, and one doesn’t just get rid of illness by thinking harder about being well.” The chemicals in my brain are on bad behavior, and these pills could make them play nice again. These pills could give me back to the tools I need to get myself back to the fully-better place. I honestly can’t wait to start taking them.
I started seeing you two years ago after bouncing between a couple different therapists, and although I started seeing you because we thought a particular technique you work with might apply to one of my anxiety issues, we never even got to that because just talking to you was such a benefit. For some reason, one of my greatest fears in life is not being heard, and with you, I feel heard. I can’t thank you enough.
I graduated from seeing you once, last summer. I’m not thrilled that I’ve… what, relapsed? but I feel better knowing you’re not judging, that you’re there again when I need you, and that I’m going to be able to stop seeing you again – with your help.
Until next week, then: thank you.